14 April 2007 @ 09:46 pm
Dudley Dursley and the Hogwarts Letter (the Top of the Pops Remix) [Harry Potter; Dudley Dursley]  
Title: Dudley Dursley and the Hogwarts Letter (the Top of the Pops Remix)
Author: kindkit
Summary: Dudley's never going to get a Hogwarts letter.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character(s): Dudley Dursley, Lily Potter, Harry Potter, James Potter
Rating: G
Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling invented them all. On a train, apparently.
Original Story: An untitled drabble (scroll down the page to the third one) by lilacsigil.
Notes: AU, as you'll quickly see. The Dudley of this story is the kind of person I think he might have become in these very different circumstances.





The owl arrives at breakfast time on Harry Potter's birthday. Dudley doesn't notice it at first, because he's trying to hide his baked beans under his toast. He hates baked beans. But they're part of Harry's favourite fried breakfast, so Aunt Lily made them this morning, along with eggs, rashers, sausages, and broiled mushrooms. (Dudley doesn't like mushrooms, either.) After breakfast they'll be going to pick up Harry's best friend Ron, and then they're off to a Quidditch exhibition match. Quidditch is Harry's favourite sport.

Dudley likes it too, normally, but today he's not so sure.

The owl, which taps on a window until Uncle James lets it in, carries a letter. The letter's addressed, in green ink, to Mr. H. Potter. Of course. If Fizzing Whizbees fell from the sky today, they'd be for Harry.

"Dad," Harry says, looking at the letter like it might explode, "d'you think - ?"

"Open it and see, son." Uncle James is trying to hide a smile. It's not something he's any good at, so his face twitches.

Dudley knows what it must be. There's only one kind of letter that comes on parchment with green ink. They all know what it must be, but Uncle James and Aunt Lily don't say a word as they watch Harry fumble it open. Dudley sees their glances back and forth, though, their little secret messages about how proud they are.

"Hogwarts," Harry says, really quietly. "I'm going to Hogwarts." And then he jumps up, jumps all around the kitchen, shouting "I'm going to Hogwarts!"

"Of course!" says Uncle James. His face is red, and his big grin makes him look exactly like Harry. "You're my son."

"You'll love it," Aunt Lily says when Harry finally stops his victory dance around the table. She gives him a hug. "You'll meet wonderful friends there. And learn a lot, of course. And study very hard."

Harry doesn't say oh, mum the way he usually does when Aunt Lily gets a bit, well, mum-ish. He's too busy laughing. "'Course I will."

Nobody's going to notice, now, if Dudley eats his baked beans or not. So he stops mucking about with the toast and tries to work out something to say. It takes him an awfully long time to come up with, "That's brilliant, Harry. Hogwarts and all. Really brilliant."

And it is brilliant. Dudley's heard all about Hogwarts--about the castle, and the lake with the giant squid, and learning to fly a broomstick, and everybody doing magic all day long. About the feasts, and the ghosts, and the Great Hall ceiling that looks like a sky, and the four houses where wizarding boys and girls get to be with other wizarding boys and girls. About Hogsmeade, the only all-wizarding village in Britain, without a single Muggle.

Right up until he turned eleven a couple of months ago, Dudley used to hope that he'd got magic too. That it was just a little bit stuck, like, but ready to come unstuck, and that there'd be a Hogwarts letter for him. Nobody knew he'd been hoping, so they believed him when, after the birthday breakfast he couldn't eat, he said he had a stomach-ache and didn't want to go to the zoo. Uncle James even bought ginger-beer for him, because it was nicer than Madam Hurliwick's Tummy Tamer potion. Better for a birthday.

"Thanks," Harry says, and then he and Uncle James start talking about broomsticks and how unfair it is that first-years can't have one, not even a rotten old slow coach of a Shooting Star.

Dudley doesn't want to hear about broomsticks, and he doesn't want to be glad that Harry can't have one yet, so he helps Aunt Lily clear the table. Normally he and Harry quarrel over whose turn it is, even though Aunt Lily does most of the work with a spell anyway. She gives him a funny look, but he pretends not to notice.

"Tell you what, Harry," Uncle James is saying as Dudley turns away from the sink full of plates that the sponge is furiously scrubbing itself over. "We've got a bit of time before the match. What do you say we pop over to Diagon Alley and see about getting you an owl?"

"Yeah?" It's clear from Harry's face that he's having the best birthday he can imagine. "That'd be great. And could we go and see Uncle Sirius? I want to tell him about Hogwarts."

"Good idea! We'll go there first, see if he wants to join us."

Harry and Uncle James go over to the fireplace, which is burning low on this warm morning. With his hand in the jar of Floo powder, Harry looks back and asks Dudley, "D'you want to come too?" And Uncle James smiles, not at Dudley but at Harry. He's pleased with Harry for being so nice.

"No. You go on. Flooing always makes me want to throw up." It might be better if he could do it by himself, but Uncle James has to hold his hand like a little kid. Diagon Alley isn't worth it, not when Harry's bound to spend the whole time talking about Hogwarts.

"Be back by noon, now, or we'll be late for the match," warns Aunt Lily, and then Harry and Uncle James are gone.

For a minute or two, Dudley stands there looking at the photos on the mantle--he's sure Sirius Black makes a face at him--and wondering what to do for the next few hours. Nothing sounds good. He doesn't want to read, because all the stories have magic in them. He doesn't want to play outside when he can't even ride a kiddies' toy broomstick. He doesn't want to listen to the wireless, or play one of the special "no magic required" games his aunt and uncle have bought for him, or do anything that would mean he has to talk to anyone.

"Dudley," Aunt Lily says, softly, from the kitchen doorway. "Would - would you like an owl of your own?"

"What would I do with a stupid owl?" The one thing he really feels like doing, he realizes, is kicking over some chairs. Really stomping on them until they break. But they've got durability charms on them, and he'd only hurt his foot.

Aunt Lily goes back into the kitchen. Dudley sits on the stairs and thinks about his mum and dad. They died so long ago that he can't even really remember them. If they'd been wizards, they'd still be alive, because wizards don't drive cars and get hit by lorries on the motorway.

If they'd been wizards, he'd be a wizard too.

After a few minutes, Aunt Lily comes back with two glasses of lemon squash. She hands Dudley one and sits down on the step below him. "You know, my parents were Mu- didn't have magic. The letter from Hogwarts was quite a surprise. It was hard for your mum, everyone making a fuss over me."

It's a funny thing, Dudley thinks, people trying to make you feel better. Sometimes it just makes everything worse. But sometimes it helps, a little. "Did she want to go to Hogwarts, too?"

Aunt Lily smiles faintly for a second, a remembering smile, and then she says, "No, I don't think so. When I told her about it, my first Christmas home, she said it sounded boring."

How could she think that about a school where you got to learn charms and potions instead of maths and English? Unless she really liked maths or something. Dudley's dad was an accountant, so maybe she did.

"It was, sometimes," Aunt Lily says suddenly. "Boring."

"Yeah, right." His tone, Dudley knows, is one he's not supposed to take and usually gets extra chores for.

Mildly, Aunt Lily says, "Right indeed. Magic's not all chocolate frogs and Quidditch, you know. We had a lot of homework, and until I got used to quills, I always blotted my essays and had to copy them over."

"Oh." She could try a bit harder than that, Dudley thinks.

"And I missed music. Pop music, I mean. Between us, Petunia and I had all the latest. It was the one thing we agreed on. But wizarding music in those days sounded like Johnny Ray and Vera Lynn--stuff for old ladies! And the other girls didn't even know who the Beatles were."

Dudley doesn't know either, but he reckons they can't be as good as the Weird Sisters. They're the best--Harry's mad to like the Drowned Books better. Dudley's been trying to convince Aunt Lily and Uncle James to take him to the Weird Sisters concert next month. Now might be a good time to ask again, in fact. But before he can get a word out, Aunt Lily starts in with her memories again.

"Your mum and I used to watch Top of the Pops every Thursday night. In my first week at Hogwarts, Billy Preston was going to be on. I nearly cried when I found out there was no television in the whole school."

When at last there's a pause, Dudley asks, "What's Top of the Pops?"

"Oh, you poor dear." She's laughing, but she doesn't sound quite like she means it. "You've no clue about Mu- about life without magic, do you? How could you?"

For some reason this ticks Dudley off a bit. He's been going to a Muggle school since he was five, and Uncle James may have put a charm on him and Harry to stop them talking about magic with Muggles, but that doesn't make him blind and deaf. Or stupid. "I do. I know about electricity. And football. And television." He's even watched television a few times, at his friends' houses.

"Well," Aunt Lily says with a wink. "That's something. I expect the ministry's so-called Muggle experts don't know that much."

"I need to know more, though, don't I?" This is what Dudley's been thinking about--well, mostly trying not to think about--ever since his Hogwarts letter didn't come. He's glad to find he can say it without sounding like he's about to cry. "I'm going to have to live with them."

"It's not a prison sentence, Dudley. There are lots of good things about that world." Leaning close, Aunt Lily whispers, "Tell you a secret. I still miss Top of the Pops sometimes."

"Maybe it's still on." Dudley finishes the last of his lemon squash, then adds, "We could check. If we had a telly."

"Oh, very subtle." But she's smiling.

"Well, we could."

"The electricity would be a problem," Aunt Lily says, in a way that somehow doesn't sound much like no. Her forehead is crinkled up with thinking. "I don't know. But you're right, you need to know about the world outside our little wizarding enclave. How do you fancy going to London--Muggle London--next weekend? Just you and me. I haven't been since I was a girl."

"Could we eat at McDonald's?" His best mate Jason's mum takes them there sometimes, and the chips are brilliant.

"Only if we go to a record shop first." She sticks out her hand for him to shake on the bargain. "Done?"

"Done." There must be lots of shops in London that sell televisions. Dudley's sure he can steer Aunt Lily past two or three, let her get a good look at all the programmes she's missing.

He'd still rather go to Hogwarts and be a wizard. But from what he's seen of TV, that's a kind of magic too. And if he's got to be a Muggle, he might as well start with the good things.
 
 
 
Page 1 of 4
<<[1] [2] [3] [4] >>
( 143 comments — Leave a comment )
Brigdh: !!!wordsofastory on April 22nd, 2007 05:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, cool! This is such a neat idea, and I really like what you've done with it. Excellent story.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
(no subject) - kingfishernovel on June 11th, 2007 02:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Minnow: Harry aloneminnow_53 on April 22nd, 2007 05:41 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely wonderful, and such an imaginative idea.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks! The idea of Dudley being raised by the Potters was lilacsigil's; I had a lot of fun expanding on it.
Judith Proctorwatervole on April 22nd, 2007 08:42 pm (UTC)
It is so nice to read GOOD fanfic. There's so much dross out there that I would never have read this if selenak hadn't recommended it. I'm very glad she did.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed--thanks!
Kernezelda: at restkernezelda on April 22nd, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC)
I don't usually read HP fic, but a rec from selenak brought me. This is a lovely and believable twist, and this is a Dudley I can sympathize with. Poor melancholy boy, loved but not one of them.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Writing this story really made me think about what it must be like for Muggles (and Squibs) on the fringes of the wizarding world--a pretty sad situation.
penknife: hogwartspenknife on April 22nd, 2007 09:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is lovely, and I really like this Dudley (and Lily). Great stuff!
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And thanks for the rec, which brought a lot of folks here to read.
ZJRwinterknight on April 23rd, 2007 01:08 am (UTC)
penknife rec'ed this and I almost didn't click, but I am SO glad I did. *sighs happily* Good writing is always just so GOOD.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
lilacsigil: lupin with wandlilacsigil on April 23rd, 2007 01:17 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I dashed off this drabble in a hurry, but, of everything I've written, this is the one that has tugged at my mind. It was such a thrill to get up this morning and see that you had chosen this drabble to remix, and even more of a thrill to see what you had done with it. I love that you didn't give Dudley magic, or something else to really compensate, but let him find his own way forward, with something that, in canon, he really does enjoy! The subdued Dudley is not a happy creature, hemmed in by helplessness and durability charms, and I was relieved to see him slowly moving towards his own world - even better, he still had friends in that world, and showed a tiny (if not *quite* so evil) flash of manipulative, 37-birthday-presents Dudley at the end, steering his aunt past TV shops in London. And the ending was great - not so far from the Dudley who expects his whole life to be treats, and yet here I was pleased to see him reach out and grab something for his own.

Thank you, and thank you again! (and also for the photo of Sirius on the mantlepiece!)
when regiment is gone: Sirius by all_malockskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
I'm really, really pleased that you like this. The story I originally intended to remix was "Conversations with Lady Lazarus," but I eventually decided it was just too complete in itself for me to mess with. But your Dudley drabble kept tugging at my mind, too, raising all kinds of fascinating issues.

a tiny (if not *quite* so evil) flash of manipulative, 37-birthday-presents Dudley

Yay! I'm glad it came through that Dudley isn't a completely different person from who he is in canon--he's just not been spoilt all his life.

Thanks so much for your feedback!
st_aurafina: Harry Fly!st_aurafina on April 23rd, 2007 02:15 am (UTC)
Oh, poor Dudley! I love the way that James and Lily have done their best to make a place for him in their house, but that Dudley is acutely sensitive to the differences between him and Harry. Little things like James being proud of Harry being nice to Dudley (which is so well intentioned, but so patronising), and the rather cruel touch with the no-magic-required games, make Dudley's situation unexpectedly unenviable. Wonderful.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
James being proud of Harry being nice to Dudley (which is so well intentioned, but so patronising)

I think that James (who doesn't know Muggles or their world at all) tends to think of Dudley as a bit subnormal. And that shows, even though he's not deliberately unkind.

Thank you so much!
nunc lege, nunc ora: Lupin Contemplativemusamea on April 23rd, 2007 02:38 am (UTC)
Ooooh, ouch and perfectly wonderful all at once. The premise for this fic is so intriguing, and I love what you've done with it. Lily was especially wonderful!
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Ion Bondion_bond on April 23rd, 2007 03:52 am (UTC)
This is fab! I like the setup, but I really appreciate how you didn't let the story wallow in angst. The happy ending feels deserved.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And I'm really glad it didn't seem over-angsty--that's something I worried about.
Rat Creature: hpratcreature on April 23rd, 2007 08:38 am (UTC)
What a cool AU idea. I actually felt sorry for Dudley and liked that things were looking up a bit for him at the end.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks! The AU idea is lilacsigil's, but I had fun exploring it.
Artaxastraartaxastra on April 23rd, 2007 02:57 pm (UTC)
Very cool idea! I really like this!
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
lls_mutant: Jameslls_mutant on April 23rd, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC)
I never thought I'd almost cry for Dudley. He's one of the characters I find totally unsympathetic, and yet, here, I really felt for him. Great stuff!
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Girlfriend Resplendent Valentineimkalena on April 23rd, 2007 06:10 pm (UTC)
I can't stand Dudley, but you made me feel for him in this! Good work. :)
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
Beth H: HP hogwarts (bbb)bethbethbeth on April 23rd, 2007 06:38 pm (UTC)
You've done a wonderful job of making a generally unsympathetic character truly sympathetic...and all without demonizing the other characters. Well done! (just so you know, I'm going to be adding this to my recs site at the next update)
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much--for the comment and the rec!
rinsbane: Lightrinsbane on April 23rd, 2007 10:30 pm (UTC)
Brilliant view of Dudley, and even more brilliant turn-about of worlds.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Ravenloneraven on April 23rd, 2007 11:26 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this, and I loved your Lily.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
Vvissy on April 23rd, 2007 11:41 pm (UTC)
Loved it!
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
a_t_raina_t_rain on April 24th, 2007 02:58 am (UTC)
This is terrific -- such a perfect twist on the opening of the first book, and really quite plausible.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I enjoyed doing a pastiche of the first book's opening and trying to imitate Rowling's prose style.
For all your sophisticated Cock-Tailing needsmidnitemaraud_r on April 24th, 2007 04:42 am (UTC)
Oh, that's just lovely! I love the 'switch' idea!
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
Thanks! The AU idea was already there in lilacsigil's original version, but I had fun playing with it.
secretsolitairesecretsolitaire on April 24th, 2007 04:52 am (UTC)
here via penknife
Ooh, what a marvelous AU! You made me care about Dudley, which is a feat indeed. :-)
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 05:02 pm (UTC)
Re: here via penknife
Thank you!
the_jackalopethe_jackalope on April 24th, 2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
oh, now that's brilliant. Very good.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 05:02 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
kangeiko: acid quillkangeiko on April 24th, 2007 06:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is lovely. I always felt a bit sorry for Dudley, actually, and this made me really feel for him. Very well done!
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 05:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Amy: Sonorussuch_heights on April 24th, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC)
Oh, fascinating! Believable and very imaginative - a fabulous AU.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 05:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks very much!
Roga: happy ducklingsroga on April 24th, 2007 08:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, Dudley. I can't help think that if this premise were to happen, this is exactly how it would go. James couldn't help but be proud of Harry and a little bit insensitive, and Harry'd be nice about it but still slightly resented because, well, there's a lot to resent. And I really identified with Dudley here. Great job.
when regiment is gone: Remus lonely by purposeiconskindkit on April 29th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm really glad you found the emotional dynamic plausible--that's probably the hardest thing to get right in any AU.
( 143 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 4
<<[1] [2] [3] [4] >>